dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize