Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
