I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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