idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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