Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
