You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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