ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
