i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
