Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
