We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
