I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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