I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
