That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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