I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I did not marry a roomba.
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