Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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