Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We have so much sex to catch up on
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
