that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
