Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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