I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
