Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Your penis caused this!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize