so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
