The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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