you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
