my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Come see our sink grown plant.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
