I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
