I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
