walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
