i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize