Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
