you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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