He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
