Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
