Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
