Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Randomize
