I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
