I met the friendliest cop last night
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
