Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
