i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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