This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
