Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
