Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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