lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
