yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I feel like a drive thru vagina
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
