we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
