Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
we should paint friendship bongs
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
