dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
