Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
