I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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