I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
