FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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