I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
