glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
