I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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