the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Randomize
