i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
