He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
