Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
