I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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