she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
