My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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