so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
