He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
