and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Come see our sink grown plant.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
