I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
