we have pet lesbian snakes
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
