"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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