Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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