I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
