yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
