Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
