Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
