Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
