The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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