He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
