Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I am naked and annoyed.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
