Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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