I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Randomize
